Zen Mornings 11/28/11
Yesterday I learned that insights come in waves, and I must take the time to allow all to sink in, to become me. I feel the need to feed the beast of curiosity, to keep learning and searching and growing. All of these things are wonderful but I must remember to simply be. Creating that space for myself in silence and peace is necessary. Not necessarily to dwell on these things, but to be them, to feel the change and to embrace them with joy and deep understanding.
Yesterday I learned that while I appreciate so much the care of my friends for my well being, while I am in this time of financial struggle, shame grows within me. Where did we learn these feelings of guilt and shame? I wish so much to simply opt out, to live nowhere, to be free of this prison of debt and owing and shame and guilt for not being able to take care of myself. Sometimes I feel so strong, but oftentimes I feel so, so weak. I will most likely end up in fast food–after a college degree and 26 years of life. This makes me feel shame and fear and sadness. Why? Too strong is my sense of self.
Yesterday I learned that many of us feel a connection to nature, and nature is the essense of Zen. Trees simply are trees. They cannot move, and do not wish to move. They reach up to the sun and bask in life, but do not fear death. There is nothing by which to separate themselves from that which is. They remain quiet, peaceful, and powerful. Nature is neither above or below us, we are all this Zen nature.