Zen Mornings 12/2/11
Yesterday I learned that nothing is scary if we do what scares us. Only the unknown is scary, but once the unknown becomes the known, there is absolutely nothing left to fear. I’ve always hated talking on the phone–immensely–to the point of being fearful of it. I found it to be the most awkward form of communication (and still do). But with this new writing/social media project I am working on, I am forced to speak on the phone to the head of the nonprofit for long periods of time. I’ve also been having issues with my voicemail, and since I am looking for work I cannot leave a call unanswered. This has turned talking on the phone into something I’ve just gotta do. Not scary, not anything. There are no more negative associations attached to speaking on the phone because I have done it so much in the past couple of weeks. This can be said about all of our fears, big and little. Get out there and do something you fear, because once the unknown disappears, the fear leaves right along with it.
Yesterday I learned that owing friends money and being financially unstable creates my biggest barrier to fully release myself from…myself. Letting go of attachments and of my Ego self is chugging along slowly but surely, with times of great clarity and overwhelming insight, to times of depression and hopelessness. But there is a very strong “I” who desperately needs to pay back the people she loves. This creates the worry, which my Ego feeds off of and perpetuates. I need to find a job, what am I going to do, how am I ever going to get out of this hole? Of course it’s harder to let go of our damaging thought processes when there is something very important weighing on our minds. It’s the worry that creates this “I” at the same time the “I” is creates the worry. But it’s certainly not this worry itself that is getting me out there looking for jobs. In fact, this worry is completely, utterly useless, a waste of time, perhaps downright evil. Nonconstructive states of mind should be done away with.
Yesterday I learned that I no longer feel attachment to my pets. I grew up with many cats and dogs, and have always considered a pet a lifelong commitment, and did not understand how anyone could give away their pet to another person. I’ve done this twice in the past 5 years, and I would do it again. An example would be when I got a dog while having a cat. The cat never did recover from this dog infiltrating his home and his territory, and quickly retreated to the upstairs, where my roommate lives. She fell in love with the fluff ball, and he was obviously much happier away from the dog. How could I force him to be my cat and put up with a crazy lab forever? I loved that cat greatly, but the ease of letting him go surprised me. I admire their company, and wish for them to have the happiest life available to them. If they could be better off elsewhere then how can I say that I am giving them the greatest life by keeping them? This should be the very same for the people that come and go in my life. That detachment will take a bit longer to arrive at. 🙂
Yesterday I learned that dusk creates the most beautiful colors of the day, smiling never gets old, tea is a great warmer-upper, regular old oatmeal is a wonderful thing to eat, organizing is a perfect meditative activity, playing with matchsticks can provide many minutes of fun, moments of silence attribute to feelings of euphoric calm, open spaces lend to feelings of freedom, desert succulents never become boring to admire, sneezing forces a moment of great clarity and release, and simpleness is beautiful. So beautiful.