Darn you questions!
This morning I woke up thinking about a friend who I haven’t seen or talked to in at least half a year, though she lives just across the city. I thought it strange that she pop into my head so suddenly, so I shoot her a text. It simply said “You popped into my head this morning. Hope you are doing great and having an awesome life.” Her quick response was “Wow! I have been thinking about you lately. I would love to see you.”
Last night, one of my roommates and I were walking home from yoga class, giggling and blissed out. She said, “I brought my bag because I was thinking about getting a drink at Livewire” (our neighborhood hole-in-the-wall). “Oh yeah”, I said “I was thinking the same thing earlier.” We get to the bar and summoned our third roommate to come down for an early-evening beverage. Upon arriving he says “I’ve been thinking about this today and was planning on coming down here”.
Yesterday I worked with someone at my new job who is moving away. I’ve known him for a mere three days, and will most likely never see him again. I felt genuine pain for this person leaving. I felt sadness in never having the opportunity of getting to know him. These feelings caught me off guard. Why would it be so that I even care this complete stranger is leaving? And more than that, why would I feel a sadness in never having the chance to know him?
These three instances are rolling around in my brain (and clanking against the sides–I think it’s fairly empty in there this morning). Does our connection as human beings, as Life, allow us to pick up on the thoughts of others? Or is it that the thoughts are energy, and the energy is felt within us? What is it about certain people that we feel? A knowing of compatibility, a strong feeling of connection with a stranger? Or is it that we already know everything that was, is and will be? Can anything BE though, or is it only BEING right now, as we create it?
Many times a day I think to myself about how an infinitely long chain of events had not happened exactly the way they did, I wouldn’t be here, in this exact moment. The string of “If I hadn’ts” just go back and back. If I hadn’t had a hard childhood, when I wouldn’t have felt the need to escape to college, then I wouldn’t have met my friend Susan, then I wouldn’t have had someone to move away with because I wouldn’t have moved alone, then I wouldn’t have moved to Seattle, then I wouldn’t have felt the depression of constant cloudy weather, then I wouldn’t have felt the need to move to constant sunshine here in San Diego, then I wouldn’t have got the job where I met the friend who served in my emotional downfall and eventually led directly to the lesson that brought me to this spiritual journey. And so it goes. What if a relationship or job would have panned out in Seattle, and I stayed there? Where would I be now? And what is going on in my life now that seems not be working, but will simply be opportunities for something greater? IS there an actual path that I am on? DO these things all happen for a reason? And if so, what happened to the ideas of the only truth being in this very moment, and that we create our own realities? Often, one of my teachers will say something like “stay on your path”, or “this is your path”. Yeah, but am I not creating my path freely in each moment? Can there be a path, and only the present moment at the same time? Can there be a path, and our own creation of that path?
Thoughts? I’m having one of those nagging existential questioney days 🙂
Update: Or is it that we ARE on a path, and what happens, these chains, lead us (sometimes unknowingly) to exactly the point we need to be? But the path itself has been created by us, our desires, and where we want to go?