Zen Girl

Centering into the journey.

Archive for the tag “Thought”

Darn you questions!

This morning I woke up thinking about a friend who I haven’t seen or talked to in at least half a year, though she lives just across the city.  I thought it strange that she pop into my head so suddenly, so I shoot her a text.  It simply said “You popped into my head this morning.  Hope you are doing great and having an awesome life.”    Her quick response was “Wow!  I have been thinking about you lately.  I would love to see you.”

Last night, one of my roommates and I were walking home from yoga class, giggling and blissed out.  She said, “I brought my bag because I was thinking about getting a drink at Livewire” (our neighborhood hole-in-the-wall).  “Oh yeah”, I said “I was thinking the same thing earlier.”  We get to the bar and summoned our third roommate to come down for an early-evening beverage.  Upon arriving he says “I’ve been thinking about this today and was planning on coming down here”.

Yesterday I worked with someone at my new job who is moving away.  I’ve known him for a mere three days, and will most likely never see him again.  I felt genuine pain for this person leaving.  I felt sadness in never having the opportunity of getting to know him.  These feelings caught me off guard.  Why would it be so that I even care this complete stranger is leaving?  And more than that, why would I feel a sadness in never having the chance to know him?

These three instances are rolling around in my brain (and clanking against the sides–I think it’s fairly empty in there this morning).  Does our connection as human beings, as Life, allow us to pick up on the thoughts of others?  Or is it that the thoughts are energy, and the energy is felt within us?   What is it about certain people that we feel?  A knowing of compatibility, a strong feeling of connection with a stranger? Or is it that we already know everything that was, is and will be?  Can anything BE though, or is it only BEING right now, as we create it?

Many times a day I think to myself about how an infinitely long chain of events had not happened exactly the way they did, I wouldn’t be here, in this exact moment.  The string of “If I hadn’ts” just go back and back. If I hadn’t had a hard childhood, when I wouldn’t have felt the need to escape to college, then I wouldn’t have met my friend Susan, then I wouldn’t have had someone to move away with because I wouldn’t have moved alone, then I wouldn’t have moved to Seattle, then I wouldn’t have felt the depression of constant cloudy weather, then I wouldn’t have felt the need to move to constant sunshine here in San Diego, then I wouldn’t have got the job where I met the friend who served in my emotional downfall and eventually led directly to the lesson that brought me to this spiritual journey.  And so it goes.  What if a relationship or job would have panned out in Seattle, and I stayed there?  Where would I be now?  And what is going on in my life now that seems not be working, but will simply be opportunities for something greater?  IS there an actual path that I am on?  DO these things all happen for a reason?  And if so, what happened to the ideas of the only truth being in this very moment, and that we create our own realities?  Often, one of my teachers will say something like “stay on your path”, or “this is your path”.  Yeah, but am I not creating my path freely in each moment?  Can there be a path, and only the present moment at the same time? Can there be a path, and our own creation of that path?

Thoughts?  I’m having one of those nagging existential questioney days 🙂


Update:  Or is it that we ARE on a path, and what happens, these chains, lead us (sometimes unknowingly) to exactly the point we need to be? But the path itself has been created by us, our desires, and where we want to go?

Zen Mornings 11/26/11

Yesterday I learned that staying present begins to happen on its own with no effort from me to bring myself back.  Last night, at an event with dozens of amazing artists work, music, colorful people, and wide eyes and great energy, my mind was so alert, so there.  I felt calm, confident with absolutely nothing to fear. I thoroughly enjoyed being there, there was no reason not to because nothing pulled my mind away from exactly where I was.  I look forward to more of this.

Yesterday I learned that when thinking positively while living through a stressful situation, such as finding work and writing projects, there is nothing to fear.  I put my feet forward and applied to everything I was even remotely qualified for.  In the past, this financial situation I am in currently and the stress of finding a job would be just about do me in.  I would be a pile of stress, negativity, and teary eyes.  This time, I stayed present in the task of searching for work, stayed positive when the future did pop into my mind, and calmly allowed thoughts of the future to move along, like a passing cloud, not allowing myself to dwell.  This seems scary at first.  It seemed like by not worrying and stressing all day about the future, I wasn’t doing enough work!  Absurd. Read more…

Let me be (quiet)!

“Renee..stop being so quiet”

I’ve heard this more than a few times throughout my life. Read more…

Wanted: Brain Wrangler

I am absurdly lucky, and I love my life.  I have amazing friends, live close to the ocean in an abundance of sunshine, and rarely do I feel bored.   I work daily to improve myself, and have a fulfilling spiritual life.  I meditate, learn, and grow every day.  I play a lot.  I’m working toward certain goals and have a solid grasp on my morals and ideals.  I accept the unknown, and look positively at change.  But there is still a nagging feeling.  It’s always been around, I can’t get rid of it.  It’s like some kind of annoying friend you can’t figure out how to properly dispose of.  It’s the feeling of restlessness. Read more…

Look! It’s now!

There is, among others, a commonality in the teachings of Buddhism, meditation, positive affirmation, and living a joyous life–being present in the moment. Read more…

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