but I always get little reminders. I am always here, I simply choose to forget. I get lost in the game of where to go, who to pursue, what to do. I get lost in the meaning of it all. I get lost in the love and the hate. I get lost in the ‘getting to’. I forget about the here, the journey. My creativity falls away. Sponteneous creation, authentic here-ness. It feels too far away to grasp. I am lost in the questions, the problems, the options, heavy loads of possible solutions to each equation. Many forks in the road. A heavy burden, my whole life.
But even during these times, I feel a lot. So much. From the soothing rhythm of a song. The beauty of a magnificent flower in the middle of the bustling city. The way the sky looks. The sound of a birds wings. The escape into wilderness. The beauty of a persons energy. The massage of a stream of water. The complexity of an unspoken dynamic. The endless connections of cause an effect, the infinite creation, and the nothingness, the emptiness that all things share. I am forever changed. And even when I forget myself, my ability to create, like much of these past few months, I am always still here. My self, the self I have become, who deep down embraces becoming, now has the gift of being reminded every day how beautiful life is.
I’m still here.