I forget myself sometimes

but I always get little reminders.  I am always here, I simply choose to forget.  I get lost in the game of where to go, who to pursue, what to do.  I get lost in the meaning of it all.  I get lost in the love and the hate. I get lost in the ‘getting to’.  I forget about the here, the journey.  My creativity falls away.  Sponteneous creation, authentic here-ness.  It feels too far away to grasp.  I am lost in the questions, the problems, the options, heavy loads of possible solutions to each equation.  Many forks in the road.  A heavy burden, my whole life.

 

But even during these times, I feel a lot.  So much.  From the soothing rhythm of a song.  The beauty of a magnificent flower in the middle of the bustling city.  The way the sky looks.  The sound of a birds wings. The escape into wilderness.  The beauty of a persons energy.  The massage of a stream of water. The complexity of an unspoken dynamic.  The endless connections of cause an effect, the infinite creation, and the nothingness, the emptiness that all things share.  I am forever changed.  And even when I forget myself, my ability to create,  like much of these past few months, I am always still here.  My self, the self I have become, who deep down embraces becoming, now has the gift of being reminded every day how beautiful life is.

I’m still here.

A mesage to myself (and in turn, to you).

Who are you going to become?  You always, always want to be doing something more worthwhile, more important, more. You always wonder whether you are on the right path, not  remembering that you will this very questioning is a part of you, the feeling of waiting for  something more. If only I had this, THEN I will be trully fulfilled. This will happen time and again; it is a part of who you are, as part of the human race. This is what makes the story continue…Accept this as an innate feature in you to keep on going, to keep pushing and striving and learning and growing.  BUT ALSO, be okay with now and really see what’s going on here.  ACCEPT.  Everyone is this.

Stay present, aware and focused.  The way to get things done, to accomplish, is to be focused in your tasks.  And you cannot be focused in your task if you are bogged down in mind muck, the ifs and whys and am-I-on-the-right-paths. Once you are focused and aware, you will no longer have the urge to ponder the value or point of what you are doing–you will do becaue you love.  You will love to do. You will have to, because your mind will no longer be there to distract you.  Don’t do for the future.  Do for now.  The future will love you for it. Keep it simple.  Settle into yourself, you are just now learning. Meditate, see more and more of the karmic connection, understand the cause and effect.  You are, right at this very moment, living in effects and creating causes.  Be aware enough to combat the thoughts and actions that cause yourself and others suffering. Every little cause; action, thought, word.  To improve yourself all you need to do is understand that you are perfect right now.  Treat yourself and all other life with loving kindness right now.  Because all other life is you.  This builds the confidence which dissintigrates the fear which allows you to finally go forth and accomplish.  Love smashes fear.  So know it and believe it now:  YOU ARE ALREADY PERFECT.

Go forth, be aware and conquer.

Found my eyes washed away.

Walked to the Sea.  Found my eyes washed away.  In the dark, here to stay.  But the dark, it’s light! 

Blades of Grass

What strikes one will strike two,

and two into many,

the hands are of one,

the stars are of plenty,

Learning Still

Reading and meditation are great methods to connect deeper with oneself.  Learning doesn’t end. It’s one of life’s only constants.  Sometimes, this can lead to the realization that one has been running.  It can happen again and again, until all false layers are peeled away.  Then, there is nothing left to run from, and what remains is the most raw, pure self.  A self of change, of flow, a self that is centered perfectly within the journey.  Assumptions about the nature of oneself can be a bit off.  They can even be dead-wrong.